Attachment (to objects) gives birth to kama or desire and desire gives birth to krodha or anger.
If a desire is not fulfilled, the unfulfilled desire causes anger. If a person wants something and gets it, then usually he wants to get more. This gives rise to a dissatisfaction and frustration. Both desire and anger make us blind.
Desires and Needs
The Gita says, kama yeäa krodha yesa rajo guòa samudbhava. Desire and anger are born out of raja guna or restlessness.
It is a rajasic quality. Restless people become angry quickly, while peaceful people retain their calmness in every situation. What does make someone restless? A rajasic way of life brings about many desires, which result in restlessness.
asha pasha shatair baddhah - in the Gita(XII.12), it is said that human beings are tied with a hundred ropes made of desires. When these desires are not fulfilled, a person becomes angry. If there are fewer desires there is more happiness; but more desires result in less happiness. This is a simple rule.
The rajasic quality stems from wanting to be the best. It is good to want to excel, to progress but there is a difference between ‘desires’ and ‘needs’.
Real needs consist of food, clothing, shelter, and a job. But what is the ultimate end of all this? The ultimate end is to be happy. Happiness is the highest goal in life. How to be happy?
Happiness stems from conquering all the inner enemies or vices – the animal qualities. We may show great external strength, but how much inner strength do we have?
The Effects of Anger
krodadbhavati sammohaà sammoha sm^iti vibhramaà
sm^tir bhramsho buddhi nasha buddhi nashatpraòashyati
Gita II-63
When anger comes, we forget our discriminative intellect. We, therefore, commit many blunders. The worst mistakes are committed in anger. The simple biological effect is explained in Kriya Yoga. When we are angry, the breath becomes very fast, and heart palpitation increases. The face becomes red, the body trembles and we scream. At that time the brain does not get enough oxygen since it goes to the face and muscles. So the brain cannot make a right decision.
Watch Your Words
You have control over words you have not uttered. You can modify and transform them. But once spoken, you cannot change them. So be careful of what you speak. Get control over your speech. Anger is expressed through our words, our face and our behavior.
Patience is Essential
This is particularly relevant while dealing with children. Sometimes they ask persistent questions and we become angry and shout. We should acquire control over anger. Keep the tongue rolled up. Intelligent people speak less. Be firm but patient.
Hiss but do not Bite
There is another demonstration of anger. It comes from trying to enforce discipline. Let us understand how this happens. A teacher is very punctual and he expects the students to be punctual too. Repeatedly, some students are late. The teacher becomes angry and shouts. The purpose of this ‘show’ of anger is to rectify the students’ behavior.
Many said Jesus was angry. There are instances in the life of Jesus of his turning down tables and shouting at others. Sometimes you have to pretend to be angry to discipline or teach. Ramakrishna said you need not ‘bite’ but you can ‘hiss’.
Once there was a poisonous snake in the jungle, which would bite those passing by. People started avoiding that track in the jungle. One day, when a monk was to go through the jungle, people warned him of the snake. When the snake came across his path, the monk told the snake not to continue with this ‘negative’ karma, which would cause further suffering. The snake became transformed, and wanted to be peaceful. Once the monk returned unharmed, people were curious and slowly started using the path again, finding the snake harmless. Eventually, children started poking at the snake, as it was not reacting. Then they started playing and hurting the snake. The snake was wounded and unable to move. One day the monk came back to see how the snake was doing, and found it in a sad condition. He asked what had happened. The snake had followed the monk’s instructions and had remained peaceful. The monk said, “Look, I asked you not to ‘bite’. But I did not ask you not to ‘hiss’. If you had hissed a little, people would have kept away and you would not have been hurt.”
In practical life we should remain peaceful but if we play the role of being angry, it should only be an outward show.
Dealing with Anger
The root of anger is based on frustrated desire. We become angry when someone obstructs the fulfillment of our desires. When we become angry we lose the sense of difference between right and wrong. When someone is short-tempered, he/she is quick to react, and then repents for a long time.
Anger manifests when there is more than one person involved. Within families, members have to interact. Most of the time a problem can be resolved with a little discussion. But when a person is very adamant the problem grows bigger. A little compromise can bring back peace within the family. If you cannot love a single, limited, individual, how can you love God, who is universal? How can you expect to achieve universal life? A spiritual person never reacts.
The easiest way to solve a problem, if someone is angry, is to leave the place. Go out for an hour. Even if it is interpreted as running away, distance yourself. Sometimes, the best way to solve a critical problem is to postpone it. Time solves many things. An immediate solution may not be possible. When you take a tablet for a headache it takes time for the medicine to be absorbed and act. We should strive for harmony, as much as possible.
Speak less. Analyze your life. Reduce your desires. Meditate regularly. Anger is a disease. It is a disease of the heart. Change your food habits. It helps a lot. Take some rest. Walk in fresh air. Breathe deeply. Take a cold shower, or drink water. All these steps help to overcome anger.
Is it easier to be angry or to have a smile on your face? To be angry needs a lot of energy. First, we go over the incident, and then we work ourselves up. Finally we explode. Why pollute the mind in this way? Let us make our life more loving and peaceful.